EyedreamDesign

I’ve been intending to record and share my recent experiences at the 2010 (Sanbornton, NH & Marlboro, MA) Sant Sadhu Ram programs, while the memories are still vivid. There is just so much to say, but I will isolate what stood out to me the most, the various transitions and breakthroughs that I went though personally.

When this 13th World Tour was being planned and Master was deciding which places He would visit, (apparently) He pointed to the map and said that He wanted to go to New Hampshire, even though that was not one of the original choices presented to Him. Clearly there was some reason for His decision, and with our limited perspectives we could only speculate – perhaps someone was getting ready to leave the body, or there was someone in the area who needed initiation, we did not know.

This was not the first time Sant Sadhu Ram had been to Sanbornton, NH. He was here in 2006 (?) at the same location up the road (from where I live) at the house/land of a very loving, talented, and amazing family. (There is a lot I could say about His last visit here, as it was extremely significant to me, but that will be saved for another time and blog entry.)

So, we had some advanced notice of His planned visit, at least several weeks, and the sangat here did all kinds of seva in preparation for the program.

There was incredible craftsmanship building a dias and so many other things, and even putting new flooring down!

I did some painting in a room upstairs where Master would visit and give children’s darshan.

Like all the others, that room turned out beautifully!

Many bagged lunches were put together for people to take after the program for the trip down to Marlboro.

A seva of mine was to help with parking, and this was going to be  important as there were expected to be up to 200 people, with very limited space.

Working with a few other sevadars, we were each stationed at various parking locations along the road which led up to the house where the program was to take place. I was at the end of the main driveway, and we were all in communication with each other via 2-way radios, and we even wore high visibility vests (so official)!

It was a cold day. I don’t remember the exact temperature but my guess is high 20′s. Despite the cold, it wasn’t too bad, there were not too many vehicles arriving all at once which was very nice. I directed people to the different locations for parking, depending on whether or not they needed to be close to the house or they were able to walk a little. Well, much of my time was spent just standing around, trying to stay warm, walking around a bit and doing simran.

We were out there from 12p to 4pm, though Master had arrived in town at around 2pm from the airport in Boston, and was down the road at another house, resting a bit.  At that point most of us did not know what else He was doing. Later we learned that He was giving initiation to a young woman, and also had a private interview or two.

Just before 4pm my extremities were beginning to hurt from the cold and my not being well dressed enough for the conditions. The sun was about to set and kept going behind the clouds which made it that much colder. Some hot chai and cookies were greatly appreciated as delivered, that helped a bit!

It was such a rare opportunity though, and to do seva for the master outweighed any discomfort I experienced. My simran only became more intense, loving, and focused; eventually it was announced over the radio that “Master was on His way up.”

Well, Master and His party pulled into the driveway and I received His darshan as they passed by. It was especially sweet to me, because I had His darshan exclusively (even though it was just for a moment), nobody else was around at that time, so I KNEW it was directed to me! What a blessing.

I ran up the dirt driveway, left my coat and radio in the car, and ran the rest of the way up to the house. When I got inside it was immediately evident that there were a lot of people in there! My friend Donna waved for me to come inside the next door after taking my shoes off.  Many people were standing quietly, waiting for Master to come down the stairs from where he had just given children’s darshan.

Well, it was nice to finally be inside that warm house! Somehow a few more people squeezed through the door and settled in place. It was crowded, but in a pleasant way, with good people and under the best circumstances! I should mention that this particular house itself is special. It has been built by the family who lives in it, and is insulated using bails of hay. It is solar powered and completely off the grid. The energy there is very good, I mean this in the way that it feels being there. There are not all kinds of electronics generating waves to disturb the biofield, or other distractions for the mind. It just feels good to be there, it is easy to think clearly and to be “centered,” so it was a good place for Master to visit (in my opinion, anyway). The lighting was not bright, it was almost a candle lit effect, very warm and ambient, it was really nice, but difficult for taking pictures without a tripod/flash!

So Master and His party came down the stairs, and there were several things which stood out to me. The first was how carefully and consciously He moved, how He shifted weight and changed between wooden handrails with pure attention. It is not something I would notice normally, but He did it so slowly and lovingly. It seems all masters are like this, but to witness it first hand (no pun intended) is amazing.

What I noticed next was how beautiful and dark His skin was and how it contrasted so nicely against His pure, radiant white turban – how crisp and clear his entire presence was. He walked just in front of me and made His way to the dias and gave a wonderful Satsang, even though I was around the corner and could not see Him directly.

After Sadhu Ram left that house, my mother and I went down the road to Pyareo Home (which is where we currently live/work) in order to pack and prepare for the program in Marlboro, MA. To our surprise we found out that master had visited Pyareo Home not long before. Master visited some of the residents and blessed the meditation room. He said that it was good, that we should meditate there, and it should be open for anyone to meditate there, not only satsangis – it  should be a place for people to remember God and do devotion in their own ways.

So we drove down to Massachusetts that evening and got to the Royal Plaza Hotel around 9:30pm and checked in. I stayed with two of my good friends, both Sadhu Ram initiates, and was the first to check into our room. I attempted to go to sleep right away, but just could not relax or get comfortable, partly because my body was still chilled from earlier that day, and it felt like I was getting sick. My friends eventually arrived, we talked for a bit and then I tried to fall asleep again. It was getting late, I kept tossing and turning. We woke up at 3am for meditation (I only got about two hours of sleep), and my friend asked me “what happened?!,” “what do you mean?” I replied. He informed me that I had exclaimed loudly in my sleep, as if I had seen something dramatic or severely frightening in a dream. Well, I did not recall, but definitely that energy was with me, I was not in good condition in so many ways.

So I meditated, and that was nice, (I actually didn’t fall asleep) but it didn’t help me too much physically. I felt ill, unhappy, tired, reserved, uncommunicative, cut off, like a grouch and an awful person, completely the opposite from the program of the previous year when I got initiated.  At the same time, I was around the most beautiful people, singing the most beautiful bhajans (devotional songs of the Masters sung in Hindi/Punjabi), it was so much loving energy. I felt this strong duality, my mind was pulling me in one direction, and my heart was going the other. I had these high expectations of being with the Master, that it would be a happy, nice thing, which it appeared to be for many people, but I was not experiencing that at all. As a result my mind did have some jealously, something I wouldn’t normally mention or admit to outwardly.

This duality increased for me while waiting for lunch. The lines up to the serving tables were long, I just sat in a chair away from anyone I knew very well, with my arms crossed, my eyes closed. I was listening to the loving hyms, and every now and then a few tears would fall from my eyes, but my mind was so stuck that it did not allow me to enjoy anything on an outer level. People began sitting around me with their food, it smelled so incredibly good, Indian food, rice and lentils with spices, but my mind was committed to keeping me separate from what was good. I was like a pouting kid, who severely needed a nap, it was ridiculous. Well, I did end up getting some food, reluctantly, after everyone else had been served… It tasted so good, the best, made with love of the Master. I just sat there and looked down at the plate while I ate.

Soon after that it was time for satsang. I sat down in the hall, and that was the most difficult time for me, as the duality had peaked, and I was feeling so frustrated and disappointed,  almost to the point of physical anxiety. I wasn’t getting much peace from the program. Inside I began questioning my own being there, feeling ashamed and guilty of my condition, and everything about me that contributed to it.

(Master came into the hall and began giving satsang.)

Fortunately I was able to concentrate my energy and what I was going through. I directed it from within me, in a way that was almost challenging to Master, but behind that was a plea for help, a sincere desire for His love, a direct connection. I needed Him to show me He recognized my condition. My mind was mad, full of unrest, and my soul was longing for His darshan. Well, all I can say is that what I was looking for was given to me.

At 30 minutes into the satsang, Master began addressing my condition exactly.

“Dear ones, our sleeping destiny has awakened, and that’s how we met the saint, Master.

Farid Sahib has said that we eat the food at night and in the morning we are again hungry. Hunger is worse than death.

Don’t feel bad looking at the good food that somebody else is taking, take whatever food is given to you by the God Almighty in His will, and lead a contented life.

Because the mind has jealousy, looking at the good things the other people have.

The mind has jealousy because mind sees that other person is leading a good life.

The dear one hides one’s own good qualities and he lets the others know his bad qualities. He talks about one’s own faults. The mind can be stilled only with the help of Shabd. There is no other effort, there is nothing else we can do to still the mind. Mind can reach its own home only by our doing simran. “

More than what was said verbally, there was another level of connection established through radiation, a deeper recognition and love that was strengthened. He was speaking to me on many levels. It was extremely powerful, and cannot be described accurately nor adequately in words. I could not help but respond emotionally. It was energizing and my heart was radiating love that had wanted so badly to be expressed for a long time. People around me began responding the same way. It was a breakthrough, as His love had defeated the duality that had been plaguing my mind. He made my mind listen and understand in a way that it never had before. It was as if He had tuned into my frequency and spoke my unique internal language that nobody else knows.

As He knew the transition He had caused me to experience, after that it sounded to me that the way He spoke in the rest of the satsang was even more sweet and loving than usual. It was almost as if he was patting me on the head because He knew that I had just learned a powerful lesson. What I also realized was that all of the things, like my physical discomforts and lack of sleep, brought me down to a point where I was receptive to Him, and were ultimately beneficial. He made me sick to make me well, just so I could learn from the experience.

During a group darshan I got to sit very close to Him. The way that He interacts with individuals in smaller groups is so intimate (in contrast to His more formal style of satsangs), He is very animated and laughs a lot. He said to the group that I was in that the dear ones “are like pure gold.” It is so special to be in a small room with Him, it is like nothing else. One thing I noticed right away was how long his eyelashes are, how consciously and slowly he moved His eyelids when blinking, what I derive as a simple indication of His level of awareness, considering most of us blink without “thinking” about it. It was an eyeopener for me.

This is the last picture I took of Master meditating during the last sitting in Marlboro. The lights were extremely dim, so I had to compensate with a high ISO, which makes it grainy but also adds a nice effect.